Research Question: What is the Experience of ‘Coming Out’?

Quote 1:

“Growing up, I felt like I had to be a certain way because of my background and what everyone expected of me. It took a long time and a lot of painful experience to understand that how I felt was OK. Those were my growing pains I guess, essential but difficult.”

This theme analyses the experience, which has caused pain in the journey of coming out of the closet. Talking about time and the gradual process can help the participant generally describe the experiences from the very beginning. Although people who get to know about their different identities, tend to face several challenges that are painful too. According to Guittar and Rayburn (2016), Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) faces several challenges concerning their identity as a strong personal affirmation is also required where sometimes due to background people cannot even accept themselves in society. 

The perceptions of society matter a lot and how exactly the people who you are close to perceive it. Acceptance from society is the main painful experience one could have in coming out. Several acceptable margins need to be met to have pride (Lovelock, 2107). Therefore, acceptance from society carries a lot of significance because it helps in making a person comfortable with what he is feeling. 

Social media has also assisted a lot in making this painful revelation less painful because the support system of people from different backgrounds can help in growing up while carrying the same set of feelings with more confidence. YouTube has provided these unique people with a platform where they can share their true feelings while still being anonymous to many (Lovelock, 2017). This anonymity works as a self-relief where being straightforward with the viewers and the journey of self-awakening gets easier instead of painful. 

Experiential learning through social networking sites seems to be very common and facilitates coming out of the closet (Fox and Rolston, 2016). Lesbians, gays, Queer, Transgender, and bisexual can easily communicate to share their stages of coming out. Otherwise finding people with these same interests can get difficult or nearly impossible. Instead of making online communities to help each other feel comfortable and share their experiences can help individuals to know that there are others too who are like them. 

Quote 2:

“Dating was a complete no-no when I was a kid. Also, I was never really very attractive and wouldn’t get that kind of attention - my brother did though and I envied him so much! In some ways, it gave me an easy way out of having to think about who I was.”

Lack of attention from the people around helps in the self-realization as some truths open up upon an individual when he does not get the attention he requires. As people face many options to whom, when, and how to conceal or disclose information (Jackson and Mohr, 2016). To feel more accepted, an individual then tries to reaffirm his feelings and thinks with whom to share them. 

When an individual does not get attention from society and its people in general then there is more time for the person to spend along where the big decisions can be taken. These circumstances help in digging inside a person and realizing what he loves regardless of the inconsiderate society norms. As Kelly a 22-year-old woman shared her thoughts over it; “Coming out, in terms of myself, would probably be me accepting myself for loving who I want to love and not doing what society tells me – you know, like loving who I should love. That, to me, is coming out” – (Guittar and Rayburn, 2016). 

Despite that, the social relationship also gets compromised and it could lead to depression too as a human is a social being. Whereas on the brighter side, the loss of a social relationship can lead to more productive outcomes. According to Ryff (2014), the adversities in life are sometimes considered to be essential in the self-awakening of an individual and in making the person more resilient and strong towards the traditional norms and values of the sty. 

The loneliness that arises usually because of the lack of attention received is the difference between the desired and achieved social relationships (Grover, 2019). The quality of life is also low when individuals do not achieve the desired set of relationships. Furthermore, jealous factors also have negative impacts where other person gets good social relationships. Although it does assist in giving time to oneself so that things could get better direction but it varies from person to person because some people might get depressed and anxious.

Quote 3:

“I didn’t wake up one day and think ‘yay, I’m gay!’, nor was it something I always knew. What I did know was that my sexuality wasn’t as black-and-white as we are led to believe.”

Being different and unique is good but having this kind of sexual difference usually invites many negative comments and humor even from near and dear ones. The person himself usually is not much happy about such realization because of the background and stringent rules set by the society around him. According to Guittar and Rayburn (2016), friends, colleagues, and even strangers get a chance to point out and make fun of you if they find out this difference in the sexual interest of a person. These kinds of behaviors demotivate a person and increase the fear of opening telling about it.

According to 19-year-old gay man Brandon, coming out is a constant process and has three stages. The first stage is self-realization; the second stage is the one where your close friends and family get to know about it and in the third stage where your identity is naturally disclosed where strangers also start asking about this (Guittar and Ryburn, 2016). The first stage evolves because of the less attention one seeks from the people of society where the inner feelings are neglected and the person feel left out. 

These differences are especially not encouraged in Asian countries where their discussions about sexual interests are deemed to be inappropriate. The research on sex education and topics related to this is very limited in the Middle East (Kabbash, Zidan, and Salem, 2019). Therefore, the realization of differences is not much appreciated in Asian countries and oftentimes individuals are forced to accept the rules set by society in general. 

Individuals’ sexual differences have trajectory influences on the mental well-being of the person and lead to stress and anxiety (Pukket et al., 2018). The minority of such kind of people is also big stress for LGBTQ and oftentimes leads to the need for intervention from health professionals. Furthermore, it has also been revealed that older people have lower levels of stress with this identity of gender interests whereas young people feel ashamed and embarrassed with such identity and usually do not communicate about it openly (Pukket et al., 2018).

Quote 4:

I don’t believe in this whole concept of ‘coming out’. It makes it sound like we’re all hiding, and that it has to be a massive announcement. I think that scares people. Coming out is what you want when you want, how you want.

In this quote, the constant process of coming out is categorized as something that scares people and has an element of concealment in it, which is not encouraged. This need to be announced if one believes in the concept of coming out whereas it should be treated just as normal. In the UK, sexual minorities now have their separate rights and legislation, where they do not feel scared and left out due to the typical norms, that prevailed (Magrath, Cleland, and Anderson, 2017). A proper legislative system for sexual minorities ensures the rights given to them and it encourages the people around to support and respect their interests. 

The whole idea of announcing to people about coming out is a scary task to do which involves struggle. Therefore, gay men use many ways through which they could keep their pride high and disclose their identity simultaneously (Chester, 2016). In the study by Chester (2016), four participants deliberately showed feelings of terror and fear concerning the disclosure and one participant said: “I was scared with what the repercussions would be.” Whereas some stated that, “rescind the confession was terrifying and they were freaked out.”

Due to the cultures that prevailed all around the gob, someone who does not announces particularly about their sexual interest, everyone assumes them to be straight and it’s commonly known as “compulsory heterosexuality” – (Manning, 2016). The concept of being straight for everyone is one big factor that scares LBGQ, which makes him or her feel different in a negative way and experience struggle in the process of identity, to who they are and who they love. 

Culture and society play a key role in making this difficult journey less challenging. In most cultures, society has pre-defined rules concerning sexuality, and deviating from the standard is considered shameful (Manning, 2016). Therefore, culture and the person’s cognitive process also matter a lot. Sometimes, the mind of the person also does not accept this difference, which leads to fragile social relationships and depression. One of the main areas that sacrifices due to identity for LBGQ is relations which involves constant struggle that is painful and full of terror.